The MyXXFLY Introvert’s Guide to the Holidays

 

Happy Friday y’all! This week on the blog we’re coming at you in technicolor to bring you The MyXXFLY Introvert’s Guide to the Holidays. I call this week’s outfit Holiday Party Goth, and have got all your bases covered. Can’t stand the idea of attending your office work party? Is the thought of Noche Buena giving you social anxiety? Are you stressed the fuck out over gift-giving because the budget’s tight and you can’t imagine how you’ll get something for everyone on your list? I got you boo, but first, breathe. Think of our weekly chats as a vacation from the cacophony in your own head, to the island of madness in mine. I may not have all the answers, but when the storm rolls through keeping shit mellow and taking it easy is my M.O. So get cozy, and stay a while, we’ll drink a little coquito and get through the holidays together.

Holiday Fever

December can be a double-edged sword for many. While the lights, songs, and decor fill some people with the holiday spirit of one of Santa’s elves on speed, for others it can be a stressful, exhausting, and frankly, lonely time of year. Like the ending of a favorite Netflix series, or the last sweet potato fry in the batch, you remember all the joyful and delicious times you shared, but it’s also pretty bittersweet ain’t it? The end of the year is a reminder of exactly that, an ending, and being an animal aware of its own mortality, we humans don’t always handle endings well. So let’s start by getting your head right.

First thing’s first, let’s talk about the why, because we’re more or less functioning adultish modern humans right? We don’t do shit for no reason, so let’s figure out the why behind the Holiday celebrations. Not society’s why, but yours.

No matter what your religion, whether you appreciate the inclusivity of “Happy Holidays” because it covers your Winter Solstice, or it pisses you off because “it’s CHRISTmas man”. What do you celebrate, and why do you celebrate it? This may be an easy or hard question to answer, but it’s an essential first step. Are you going through the motions because you feel an obligation to? Do you enjoy the holidays, or are they a fucking chore? Whatever the case may be, figure out your “Reason for the Season” and run with it, even if that means going against the grain and doing your own thing.

Do you enjoy decorating your home and wrapping gifts, or is your idea of Christmas marathoning Die Hard with your drunken friends? Well damn fool, why not do both? What is your favorite thing about this time of year? Pretend you’re a witch making a giant batch of some magical potion in a cauldron. If you could pick and choose what your perfect holiday season would look like, what would be in your brew? Once you’ve got your recipe all figured out, make it happen! Balance fun, commitments, and add a pinch of selflessness, because when we do things begrudgingly, they turn to shit. Whatever you choose, do it with unbridled enthusiasm!

The Gift Guide

Alright brujxs, we’ve got the spirit of a Kindergartner on a sugar high, and your potion included presents, because well, who doesn’t like a good gift? But now, you’ve gotta figure out what to get that select group of people that you adore, because they put up with your shit day in and day out and that deserves some sort of recognition. This is arguably the most difficult part of the Holiday season for a number of reasons. Affordability is relative, but no matter what tax bracket you fall into, everyone bitches about how expensive it is to be generous during the Holidays.

Well first things first, don’t be a dick, we added that pinch of selflessness for this very reason, remember? In fact, studies show spending money on others may increase your own happiness, so at the end of the day you’re being selfish anyway. But let’s assume you’re not a piece of shit, and you really can’t afford to spend a whole lot during the holidays. I feel you b, so here are a few ideas on how to tackle this task with a MyXXFLY listicle:

1. Money. – Before you do anything, for fucks sake, figure out a budget. Now I know, this may be coming a time where you’ve already shelled out some cash on gifts, but it’s never too late. It can be 10 bones, 100, or 1000, the number is irrelevant. Just figure out how much you can spend, or how much you’ve got left to spend, and stick to it. No Credit Cards.
2. Make a list. – Check it Twice. You don’t have to include everyone who’s ever said “Bless You” when you’ve sneezed, but you can. It’s your party Santa Claus. Don’t worry about the budget. “But Yesenia, the first rule was..“, I know, I know! Stay with me.
3. Math. – Now, I am many things, but a mathematician is not one of them. Dividing however, is simple enough even for me to do successfully. So take your money, divide it by your buddies and then get creative.
4. Something for Everyone. – “Yesenia, my budget is a dollar a head, what the fuck?” You’re doing great buddy, mine was 50 cents. Don’t fret! The best kind of gift is the kind that takes time not money.
5. Get Creative. – Play to your strengths! Are you a good baker? Artist? Making something with your own hands takes only time and the cost of materials (which you may already have at home). If you’re not particularly “arty”, remember experiences make the best gifts! A free printable for an afternoon of hiking with your buddy may be exactly the kind of thing your friend would love. Whatever you choose to gift remember, presentation is key.
6. The devil is in the details. – No matter how simple your gift, using a few bucks of that budget for packaging goes a long way. Any gift becomes memorable when delivered with a hand-written note, sparkles, and ribbons. Put on your best Suzy Homemaker front, and Martha Stewart the shit out of those gifts! Re-purpose things you’ve got around the house, use simple eco-friendly materials, add special touches, anything you can do to personalize them! Gifts feel instantaneously more special when packaged with love.
7. Keep it green. – The final rule? Whether you’re balling on a budget or making it rain, remember to keep the bigger picture in mind. No matter the amount of money you spend, spend it wisely. Support ethical brands and companies, bonus points if you keep it local. Visit your favorite flea market, thrift shop, or local artisan and use this opportunity to support a small or independently owned business. These kinds of gifts are not only eco-conscious, but are usually way more fly than anything you could buy at the mall.

Party Animals

Next, is either the best or worst part of the Holidays depending on who you ask. But since this is, afterall, the Introvert’s Guide to the Holidays, I’ll assume you’re experiencing at least some level of anxiety about parties.

Anyone who suffers from social anxiety can tell you about the dread and worry associated with interacting with other humans. Feelings of uneasiness may stem from many things, but self-defeating thoughts are at their core. So stop that shit in its tracks.

There’s a reason holiday parties are replete with booze, and it’s not because you’re surrounded by alcoholics; that’s only part of it. No matter how put together and outgoing you think everyone else is compared to you, odds are they only seem that way because they’re drunk. And while you can find countless lists on the best line of defense against the party jitters, we’ve got something else in our arsenal, and it doesn’t come out of a cocktail glass. A common source of party anxiety, that can turn even an extrovert into a mess, will be the source of your power buddy.

Crafting the perfect motherfucking party outfit.

“That’s fine for you Yesenia cause you don’t give a shit, but my arms jiggle, and I haven’t reached my goal weight, and red isn’t my color, and blah blah blah.” Look mi amor, take it from someone who’s been there. I spent too many years feeling self-conscious, worrying about my appearance and not living my life to the max out of fear and insecurity. The moment you decide to embrace your inner XXFLY, you will exude positivity, and that energy will bring an avalanche of dopeness into your life.

Now, no one should expect you to be anyone but yourself during the holidays, or ever, so play to your strengths and dare to be happy. If comfort is important to you, prioritize it! Even if you’re the only person in sneakers in a room full of high heels, rock your kicks b. Maybe your friends are all suited up but you feel your best in a guayabera, do you Willy.

It’s easy to get wrapped up in what we should do or be during the holidays. We should splurge on the hot item, we must upgrade our cars, we can’t wear the same thing twice. Do not get sucked into the vortex of competition, or comparing yourself to anyone else. Find one, or 10 things you love about yourself, and play them up!

Now don’t take this to mean you’ve gotta go out and spend money on an outfit you’ll wear once. Just as with our gift guide, the key to a fly party outfit is creativity. Borrow a statement piece of jewelry from a friend to dress up your outfit, layer your favorite pieces to give them new life, be classic or daring, whatever makes you feel confident and fly. For me? I go from zero to slay with a good smokey eye, some dope flats, and my favorite short skirt.

The absolute best way to have a fabulous time at a party, whether you’re having a Festivus celebration at your friend’s efficiency, or going to a formal black tie affair at The Mandarin, is to feel fucking fabulous. If you don’t inherently, then fake it baby. Come prepared by inviting a friend along to the festivities. Think positively, and be in the moment. You may enjoy yourself after all.

If you read our physics post, you know this next hokey tip is rooted in truth and not bullshit. Manifest confidence by repeating a positive self-love mantra! There’s a reason the coach in that movie gives the football team an inspirational speech when they’re down and seemingly out at half-time. Self-fulfilling prophecies matter more than we think, and pep-talks are the ultimate party jitters panacea. Positive thinking is always a good idea, and if things don’t go as well as you’d hoped, pat yourself on the back for going out there. Bravery is always something to be proud of.

Happy Holidays

December can have a dizzying pace for an introvert. The crowds of shoppers and personal commitments can be overwhelming, but they don’t have to be. I’ve found that the best step for keeping my mental health intact year round, but especially during the holidays, is to know what I want to accomplish, to carve out my own path.

Some of us are away from family and feeling lonely, others are adjusting to a holiday without a loved one who has passed. Some people are stressed out by over-stimulation, worried about how they will get everything done, trying their best not to disappoint their loved ones. It’s a spectrum that covers every personality type, and anxiety can come at you from all angles.

So plan, and breathe. If you are away from loved ones, don’t be afraid to reach out to friends, make new ones, or volunteer for local organizations. The sense of community and giving back is the best medicine for loneliness. Look out for local events that may interest you, many sights and activities during this time of year are free! While holing up and sleeping through January may be tempting, make your best effort to go out and share in the season at least once.

Feeling overwhelmed by all of your social responsibilities, or are you stressing over a tight holiday budget? Give yourself permission to not accept every invitation, or buy every toy on the wish list to Santa. Set realistic expectations, and remember the importance of enjoying yourself. Whatever scenario you may find yourself in, never be too afraid or too proud to ask for help or company this holiday season. Compassion lives in the strangest places when you’re searching for it. Until next week, remember that love is the major key, have a happy holiday season, and keep your double-x fly!