There’s a natural forward progression when we’re first propelled out of mother womb onto this Earth. Through no effort of our own, the guiding hand of biology and the expectations of living in modern society propel us forward for years. But there eventually comes a time when the future is unclear and the road is not paved, or worse, when we are stuck in situations that halt our growth.
Have you gone through life following your intuition, or fighting it? Is your life a full-bodied expression of joy, or is it coated in the veneer of it?
The times when we follow our intuition are when we have the most potential for growth. Unfortunately however, there is so much about modern society that stops us from being connected to this intuition. Distractions are placed all around us, and these obstacles are there by design, so that we forget our potential to change this world for the better.
My distraction? Buying things to adorn my body with; for the beauty of the items, for the way they made me feel, for the validation I got from others when I wore them. For you, it might be a different kind of consumerism, or perhaps a growing dependence on technology, a co-dependent relationship, a drug-addiction. If there is something in your way, identify it, and then, find a solution. When I adopted a more minimalist mentality, and started looking at money as a tool with which to follow my dreams rather than something to buy momentary distractions with, I realized just how much time and resources I’d wasted.
Often, we let conformity or comfort or fear, steer our lives. Instead of pursuing that which we are passionate about, we pursue what is safe. Instead of taking a chance on ourselves, we make excuses and diminish our worth. Every human has a special set of circumstances that makes living their best lives difficult, but just as this is true, so is the fact that every human has a special set of gifts that only they can offer the world. No one’s story is the same and so, you must connect to that energy that resonates throughout the known and unknown universe, to find your gift and a way to blossom in it.
As I found myself on the cusp of 31 in a housing and work environment that left me feeling exhausted, exploited, and underappreciated, I made a difficult decision. To leave the safety of a network of loving friends and family in my hometown of Miami, and become a working storyteller. A visual storyteller, a writer, an artist, and to make a living doing that which will provoke others into taking back control of their own lives. It did not happen quickly and it is by no means easy. I first had to let go of my attachment to material things, to allow myself the mobility and freedom I sought, and then, the courage and self-esteem to follow through. I am now 31, 1300 miles from home, in a red county on the outskirts of Pittsburgh while snow piles 6 inches high outside my window on the second day of Spring. I am more visible than I’ve ever been, in my bold, brown, fat, defiant, female body, existing in spaces that were not designed for me, but emboldened to thrive anyway. It is not easy to follow your intuition and bet on yourself, but it is your birthright to flourish. So get out there and fucking do it, and join me as I fucking do it too, and share what I’ve learned and continue to learn. Until next time, be bold, believe you are worthy, and keep your double-x fly.
I can’t tell you what reading this does for me. I recently became awakened to loving my 493 lb self…with all my fat. “Is your life a full-bodied expression of joy, or is it coated in the veneer of it?” This line struck me because, though I faked it well and everyone thought I was joyful, I didn’t even know real joy. I had the “La Croix” version of joy; like someone whispering the flavor of joy from another room. I’m so ready to experience the fullness of joy and really living without dread and regret because I’m fat.
Thank you so much for your candor and attention 🙏. There is so much healing for those of us marginalized across groups, but we have the basic human right to not only exist but to thrive! Lucky for us, the depth of our pain is the apex of our joy ✊. Stay tuned babe, this week’s post is on the role of fashion in granting access. Sending all my love 💗✌.
This post is just what I needed to read! I’ve been contemplating changing my career as I’m finally feeling like I’m burnt out. Although I love what I do, my true passion is decorating and organizing. It’s definitely not an easy decision to make and not something I can decide on a whim. If only it were easy….
Mi amor, you are such an EXCELLENT and TALENTED organizer and decorator with the perfect personality for excelling in that field! There is always a way, and if you are passionate, determined, and have the support of those you love, the universe will conspire for your success 🙏. Slide into my DM’S girl 😘, yesenia@myxxfly.com ✌.