Hello. My name is Yesenia Guadalupe. I was simultaneously named after a fictional television gypsy, and the Mexican depiction of the virgin Mary. This dichotomy is as much a part of me as my face.
This is it, bare and exposed.
On a day where you could read the sadness all over it, we chose to shoot it just as it is. Partly because I couldn’t be bothered to put make-up on, and partly because it made sense.
I obtained a university degree in psychology with the intention of working with the mentally ill because having lived through a lot of inner turmoil, I have always been sensitive to the pain of others. While I currently work in education, I still, inadvertently find myself being a counselor for many of the kids (and adults) that cross my path.
I live a simple and fulfilling life because above all else, it is a peaceful one. There were times in my past where peaceful seemed boring, where I needed constant noise and movement. Now? I’ve learned to love the silence as much as the cacophony.
Most of the time, I can listen intently and comfort those who need an ear or shoulder without letting it disrupt my peace. On days like this one? I need a mental and emotional battery recharge.
Unplug:
I’ve spoken at length about the effects of urban sprawl on humans, and the importance of connecting with nature. I live by this rule: whenever you’re feeling off, do yourself a favor and disconnect from your phone, from the internet, from your television, and reconnect with the earth and with those you love. I know some of you may call hippy bullshit, and while studies find mixed results, I’m a firm believer that the constant IV of media influence in your bloodstream can be toxic to your mental health. On this Sunday afternoon, I craved the freshest air, so I stripped down to the bare essentials; flip flops, my water bottle, and a jean shirt to shield against the sun, and put my cardinal rule into practice.
Reboot:
There is no list of mental health “tips” that will turn your skies blue when they’re grey. Although a quick google search would prove I’m a liar, any list you find will have an overt flaw. They will tell you how to care for yourself at a time when the last thing you want to do is care for yourself. Or maybe you do want to care for yourself, but the energy to do so simply isn’t there. Anyone who suffers from a mental illness knows what they should do, and how they should feel, but these tips offer no relief when you’re in the thick of your emotions. Like the best things in life: wine, wisdom, fruitful relationships, better mental health takes time. So what do you do in the now?
At this point, the only advice I can offer, that I know you can do, that I know will help; is to breathe.
The breath connects you to the present moment like nothing else can.
Anxiety, stress, worry. When you stop whatever you’re doing, and take a moment to just breathe, you reboot the crashing system.
In times of mental anguish we become lost in the fog. Approximately 26% of adults in the United States live with mental disorders, 10% of these are mood disorders. We take walks, write in journals, listen to music, take drugs, act recklessly, all to distract us from the fog. Everyone has their own tried and true formula for dealing with anxiety or depression, some are healing, and others do more harm than good. So I won’t give you advice you can’t (or won’t) put into practice. These distractions will pass the time, and sometimes help us disconnect, but ultimately we are only disconnecting. We are disconnecting ourselves from our feelings, we are not searching for the root or cause of our delirium. Sometimes we put off the search out of fear of what monsters are hidden inside us. Maybe you’re not ready to face or fix the problem, and that’s okay.
So breathe.
It’s hard isn’t it? Sitting in silence, in the present moment, with nothing but the thoughts whirling around in your fucked up head? See. You’re still thinking. So don’t. Don’t think about how you’re feeling intellectually, don’t label it, analyze it, or try to explain it. We all have our own internal narratives that shape the way we see the world. Equanimity is the goal. Our perceptions are a filter through which we experience life, but we should try and live in a way that is free of this narrative. Have you ever been in a shitty mood, and absolutely everything goes wrong and ruins your already shitty day? Have you ever been in a great mood, and absolutely everything goes wrong but you brush it off? Try actively to see things as they are, without your filter.
Being in the moment, and not judging it in any way is difficult for us to do, because so much of our lives are spent labeling and constructing these narratives to fit into our own views of reality. By just experiencing the moment, by being aware, we allow ourselves to live in a sort of flow. By tapping into this natural rhythm we can live free of worry and anger.
Changing your thought process:
Sometimes, there are triggers for our feelings, other times they will come, seemingly, out of nowhere. Whatever the case, that’s okay. When you live in the present moment, those details don’t matter.
The reason I suggest focusing on the breath is because of the state of awareness you achieve when you do. As you sit in silence, aware of every inhale and exhale, you will begin to notice what kinds of thoughts are guiding your actions. “But I feel shitty”, “but this is stupid”, “but this doesn’t solve anything”. You may start to notice that you are inadvertently reinforcing your bad mood. If you belittle yourself, if your internal dialogue is riddled with negativity, you must first notice that it happens. Then? You can work actively to change your words from self-deprecating, to uplifting ones.
Over time, and with self-examination you’ll start to understand why negative feelings swell up. Eventually, you can start working actively, every day, to change your internal rhetoric. We often dig ourselves into holes through our shitty habits, and the way we treat ourselves inside our own heads will color every other interaction in our lives. Practice being kind, to yourself first, then, extend it to your friends, family, and strangers. Day by day you will see positive change in your mood and your life.
Things you can do:
Practice gratitude every day. Studies have shown that a simple act of gratitude immediately increases symptoms of happiness and decreases symptoms of depression. Many times, we worry about things that are not in our control. The moment we are living in, that is plagued with preemptive worry of the future, is a moment we are not being grateful for right now. When we worry, we focus on everything that is, and could go, wrong. We focus on the things in our lives that are lacking, we wish things would be better, we compare ourselves to others. The thing about “better” is that it is unattainable. When things are “better” than they once where, guess what? They could still be “better” than they are now. Our thoughts have power, and gratitude for the present moment and your present circumstance, will turn better into the best way things can be right now.
Create. In a connection that fascinates psychologists, there seems to be a link between genius and madness, particularly in the arts. Depressive symptoms are common in highly creative people, and I know from personal experience how a whirlwind of manic energy can extend into creation. The activities we use to help our moods however shouldn’t be mere distractions, they should act as exercises in learning more about ourselves. Express yourself creatively, make art, make music, cultivate your talents, work out your thoughts through writing. Any activity you choose to aid in your mental health can release negative energy, but when we are self-aware, it can also help us uncover the root of our moods.
Feng Shui the shit out of your environment. In my post on hoarding I talked about the importance of having less and living more. Clutter, whether you want to admit it or not, will fuck you up. In hospitals and mental health facilities, colors are soothing and decor is minimal, why? Because it is an aid in the rehabilitation process. Your environment affects your mood and outlook tremendously. A clean space, an open window, an indoor plant will do wonders for your mental health. My parents used to give me shit about my messy room to no avail. Now? I appreciate the calm that comes when I walk into a clean room. Nothing beats it.
Value good relationships. Maintaining a positive environment extends from your home, to your work and social life. The people around you, whether close friends or acquaintances, affect you equilibrium. Engage in activities you enjoy with people whose company uplifts you. Why? Because life is fickle. One moment you’re here, and the next you’re gone. Do not waste precious time in relationships that do not serve you, and work to strengthen the ones that do. On this day, tired and emotionally exhausted, Frank pushed me to get outside and into the sun. I knew it would help, it always does, but in the fog? I didn’t care. This is why strong bonds are so important. Those who love you, will always support and care for you on days when you have trouble doing it on your own. By the end of our trip? I was back in fighting form.
So there you have it, a not quite listicle on mental health. How do you deal? Let us know in the comments. That’s not all for relationships though! Next week, we dive headfirst into the topic. Until then? Stay sane, inhale deeply, and keep your double-x fly.
