Fat Women of Color Take Up Space in D.C.

Stemming from the popular @FatWomenOfColor instagram page and subsequent Facebook Group, the Fat Women of Color (FWOC) Take Up Space in D.C. event was Body Love Coach, entrepreneur, and sister friend, Ivy Felicia’s first Live event. Ivy’s vision to create safe spaces for women of color started on the internet and spread across social media platforms. Where did this brilliant idea arise?

In Ivy’s own words, “The idea for Fat Women of Color came from my own evolution with my body and identity.  As I begin to practice more radical self-acceptance and embrace my uniqueness I realized how impactful the intersectionality of Blackness, fatness, and womanhood is in my life. I live at the intersection of these three identities (and more). They shape my internal dialogue and my experiences with others as well. I know how it feels to navigate the world as a Black, fat woman and understand that our experiences are beautiful, painful, challenging, and inspiring. It’s all woven together in a beautiful tapestry and I wanted to share that tapestry with other Black and Brown women of size. Creating FWOC was my way of honoring who I am while also creating a safe space for other women to honor themselves and their sisters too. I knew that there was a need and although I didn’t have all the answers, I stepped in to attempt to fill the need.”

The FWOC online community is a place where women who take ownership of these identities; fat, black, brown, woman, can find refuge. Jennifer, Whole30 wellness coach who attended the live event said, “Often we feel alone in our experiences, especially when navigating this fatphobic world in a larger body and brown skin. It is made clear to us daily that we don’t fit in, both literally and figuratively.” To women for whom this statement rings true, the FWOC community became a haven where women can consult with our sisters, unload our struggles, laugh together, and celebrate one another. Described by Ivy as a place of “sisterhood, support, and sanctuary”, it has become exactly that to many of its online members. Those who attended the live event expressed why it was important for them to show up in the flesh, and these themes of sisterhood, support, and sanctuary prevailed.

The evolution from digital space to live event occurred because Ivy Felicia believes in the power of energy, and felt it was “important to create a space where Black and Brown women of size could be in the same room with each other and FEEL each other’s energy.” Too often fat women of color are subjected to erasure and she wanted to “create an experience where we could see each other, be seen by each other and say: ‘I see you, I hear you, I feel you.'”

Ivy’s vision, a place where we could share our truths face to face, is exactly what the D.C. event became. Walking into a beautifully decorated sunlit room where everything, from the turquoise and gold accents to the presentation of the food and gift bags, was executed with selfless intention for YOU, is almost a religious experience. The warmth in that room came not only from the thoughtful details, flawlessly prepared by Ivy, her friends and family, but from the open hearts of everyone in attendance.

Ivy set the foundation with her faith and loving energy, a quality that put everyone at ease. And so, as the conversation progressed, each woman gave herself permission to be vulnerable. This vulnerability without fear is an opportunity seldom afforded to fat women of color, who navigate a world of boundaries, hostility, and whose softness can be weaponized against them. The permission to speak out in a room of understanding faces knowing in your bones that you would not be judged for the words you liberated from your tongue, and that these might even deeply resonate with those around you and empower them to speak their own truths, is power in action.

Jennifer expressed feeling “heard, supported, and uplifted”. Erica felt deep connection and fellowship. Danielle felt pride, Jamie felt peace, but overall, the overwhelming sense was of profound joy. For Passion’e who chose not to speak at the event, but rather process it silently, the experience was an emotional one. “To be honest,” she says, “it took everything in me to not start crying in the middle of the event.” Passion’e regarded the afternoon in D.C. as a healing session. “While I was sitting in that room listening to uniquely different women talk about their bodies in loving, compassionate, and liberating ways, it occurred to me that my version of loving myself did not apply to my body.” In her Christian upbringing the conversations Passion’e had about her body were in direct relation to sex, specifically, not engaging in it and covering her body up. “Contrary to what I was taught,” she said “in that room, I realized loving my body is a spiritual journey, one that I needed to begin.”

No matter what leg of life’s journey we were on, or what relationship we had with our bodies at the time, the FWOC Live Event taught us valuable lessons that transcend the physical. It was a reminder that we are not alone, that we are worthy, and that we have the ability to take command of our lives and thrive!

In the weeks that followed the event, the attendees I spoke to were still riding the highs from that afternoon in D.C. Jennifer was deep in reflection about herself and the direction of her life. For her, “being present and showing up in real life” was a revelation among many. Karissa of Blue Lotus Wellness, a body positive yoga instructor, meditative teacher and panelist at the event felt an overwhelming shift “to make sure I stop playing small”. A self-professed ponderer, Karissa is opening herself to possibilities by “saying yes with less fear, accepting what the universe has in store for me, and being more vocal on how I want to be treated.” Jamie left with new tools in her arsenal to continue her activism, and Danielle was inspired to become one and speak out against fat shaming and policing of fat bodies. “That will never prosper in my presence”, she said. “I left even more committed to lifting up and encouraging women of color who may be struggling to love themselves or otherwise shrinking when they should be shining.” Passionate about exploring the world, Danielle wants to encourage women to “let nothing stop them from traveling anywhere their heart desires and to continue living out loud.”

After the gathering, thirty (plus) women returned to their ordinary lives but were now navigating them differently; a little braver, a little bolder, and just as fat, black, and brown. Marinate on that for a moment. We are women from different cities and socioeconomic backgrounds, with different careers and interests, each with a unique reach, who were now recognizing toxic patterns, demanding respect, having open dialogues with others and were emboldened in our right to TAKE UP SPACE.

And all of this, after only a few hours in each other’s company. What would happen if we all shared in spaces like these? Spaces of connection, laughter, and catharsis. What would happen if we did so regularly? In hundreds if not thousands of day to day interactions, how far would the effects of these interactions extend? What if we made it our personal job to create these safe spaces?

The momentum of FWOC and its growth is a testament to the very pressing social need for a change that includes rather than excludes. All over the U.S. and the world we are witnessing movements led by women, people of color, the LGBTQ community, and activists at large who are at the forefront of the most radical and progressive ideas in modern times. The connecting thread? A society where every human life is regarded as sacred. The success of these groups can be attributed to how they resonate with those who have been historically ostracized, marginalized, and consequently have been silenced or erased for centuries. The draw of these movements for those of us dispossessed, is the radical love and foundation of basic human rights by which they operate. To support groups like FWOC is to recognize that there is work to be done, and in order for humanity to live upto its divine potential, the work must be done by US.

Erica proclaimed, “we need spaces that are our own where outsiders cannot insert themselves into conversations where they have no place speaking.” This shows up in organizations and movements that lack representation. Where leadership positions and upward mobility to the people in the communities served are few and far between.  Where those speaking on our behalf do not look like us. The help with lack of access that these organizations provide reinforces a power dynamic where there is a savior and those being saved; it tokenizes the very people that are supposed to be championed, it adds fuel to the fire of systemic oppression, not life-nourishing water. Ivy’s advice for anyone looking to create spaces for marginalized people is “to center the people”, as plain, and as simple as that.

“Quite often,” she says, “we create events and spaces that do NOT center the actual guests.  The events end up being more about the host or the event itself.” To be an organizer is to facilitate beautiful moments in welcoming spaces, not fabricate them. It is to answer a call for something bigger than yourself. Ivy Felicia is a visionary whose efforts to uplift others have, and continue to touch the lives of so many. Why? Because she always remembers that “your guests should be the center of your spaces”.

We are all creators. Some create through their work, through their art, some create life in their wombs, but we all create moments and experiences. We make ourselves at the loom of our own tapestry, weaving a life and a story whether we do so consciously or not. With what intention do you weave? Are your following through with energy? With action?

The way we show up is important, but

WHY we show up?  Maybe even more. So what does it mean to take up space? To take up space is to live and act with the knowledge of your worthiness, and to not apologize for asserting this God given right. It is to be bold in your physicality rather than shrink in it. It is to be bold in action instead of a prisoner to fear. It is to believe in your vision and to think bigger than you have ever dreamed, not for yourself, but for those you serve. Taking up space is to live in your truth, and recognize that your thoughts, emotions, voices, and people are valuable and worthy of representation. Taking up space is a life changing endeavor, so take it up wherever you go, it is yours to transform into whatever magic you can muster.